Summer work

The summer was all planned. I had a job lined up starting this Saturday at another school to earn some extra dough for a month, then I fancied a week in Morocco before going to the UK for Carnival.

I was gutted when I heard that the Europride procession was happening on Saturday, cos my new job was supposed to start then, so imagine my delight when I came home, checked my mail and found out I'd been fired before the job even started! Check this little gem out...

Dear Adrian,

We have decided to take you off the list of staff for the summer 2007. This is because you failed to return our job offer. We have attempted to contact you by phone and e-mail numerous times without being able to reach you. As we need a guarantee that teachers will turn up during the course, we have now chosen another teacher.

Kind reagrds,

Where they managed to get that my name was Adrian is quite a mystery, especially given that my real name is a pretty prominent feature of my email address, but gettin fired before you even start is a record even for me! Yay!

Erm does anyone know how to use this thing...?

We just got an interactive whiteboard installed in one of the classes in school, and yesterday the trainer came over. She was bloody awful, dull and worse than that she didn't actually KNOW how to use the kit, just how to sell it.

So today I walk in and ask to have a go. The two guys who took the training course yesterday stood in amazement as I performed some pretty basic functions and next thing you know The Head is asking me if I can teach an hour INSET on it.

Obviously, I like a challenge, so I accepted. The fact that I had used a whiteboard for a total of two and a half minutes prior to being asked didn't really cross my mind.

Now I've got to try and figure out how the hell to use the thing AND teach everyone in school before tomorrow. What's more I have 20 minutes to learn it before I'm off out to get pissed up at the gay parade.

Does anyone know how to use this thing!?!

Pride

Me and Gonzalo, my Peruvian flatmate were out tonight, takin in the great summer weather and decided to go for a Moroccan in the middle of Chueca, the gay district.

Much to our surprise, we ended up out pretty much all evening surrounded by gay men as European Gay Pride is on in Madrid and the parties have already started in the streets!

This weekend it's expected that 2.2 million gay people will descend on the streets of Madrid and have lots of gay fun all over the place, whatever that's supposed to entail. It does feel a bit like a conspiracy to round up all the gay people in Europe though...

Anyway I was just lookin for flats earlier and was wondering, why DO people advertise for gay flatmates? I live with a gay guy and it makes absolutely no difference to me. Surely you'd be better off advertising for someone who is not a serial killer or something if you were going to discriminate. I know I would.

Guess who's back...

Apparently I'M back according to page 139 of this months Cosmopolitan magazine.



Have I been in a coma?

Scared

I'm beginning to regret ever tying the fate of my tache with that of Alan Johnston.

I hear that the Army of Islam now want to blow him up.

What implications does this have on my tache!? Will I have to blow it off with dynamite?!

mischief (now pissing purple and shitting in calligraphy)

Paella

I had this black paella yesterday, which was made of cuttelfish cooked in it's own ink. It was great but made my shit come out black as Darth Vaders helmet this morning.

Tonight I'm in charge of cookin and I think I will recreate the fun on a budget by cracking open a couple of Parker cartridges and steaming my chicken and rice in them.

If you don't hear from me in the next few days it's because I'm dead.

Morocco Pics

All my Morocco pics are on facebook at the following links:

My Morocco Album 1
My Morocco Album 2
Angels Morocco Album 1
Angels Morocco Album 2

I'm pretty sure you can access them without having to join up.

I've decided to stick all my holiday snaps and stuff with people in it on there, and keep flickr for photos that make me feel like I'm a "proper" photographer. Ya know the sort of thing. Pictures of pears and things.

Pity my camera is covered in toilet juice...

100 Days

The BBC held a vigil for Alan Johnston today after 100 days in captivity and I couldn't help noticing this picture on their site...

Oh fuck it fuck it fuck it!

I was gonna take some pics of Mr Bread and mini-Andy today after a quick piss

...and I dropped my feckin camera in the bog!

FUCK!

More condoms

Just been reading a story on the BBC about the banned vibrating condoms now on sale in India and couldn't help noticing how much they look like prawn crackers.

That's put me right off the Chinese I was about to tuck into. Think I'll go out for an Indian instead.

Wanna come? (Oh god that sounded awful...)

You do KNOW I'm a teacher right...?

For some reason I have developed a reputation for being someone that you can talk to if you find yourself in the shit.

It's not that I'm particularly sympathetic but I sometimes give words of wisdom to friends when it all goes wrong (run away from the situation to another country), or in the case of relationships I think they just find it easier to laugh at me than themselves when it all goes wrong.

So the other day I'm online and a girl that I met in China logs on and says to me

"Andy I'm so glad you're online. I'm so fucked up"

"What's wrong?" I said, more out of nosiness than anything else.

"It's like this," she says "Basically this girl asked me if I would sit an exam for her at university and I did"

"erm, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight..."


"...and now she hasn't paid me the 400 Euros she promised me! What am I supposed to do!?"

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......

Durex tester

Regular readers may remember the job for Durex condom tester being advertised some time back.

I didn't bother to apply as I recently bought a new Sigg water bottle so couldn't see any point getting a new water container but, never one to miss a bargain, Chewy applied for it, and she tells me today that she got it!

Pity she's just split up with her boyfriend, but I have offered to assist in any way I can...

Van

Oh yeah that's the other one about my family. My other brother decided to give up living in a house and bought a Transit van to live in the other day. He couldn't justify spending so much on rent when he literally spends all day in the office.

Is everyone's family like this?

The only way to take a final

After possibly the best weekend I've ever had in my life, Me and David got back from Morocco the other day, traipsed around Madrid for a kebab on Monday morning and got to sleep at 4am.

In the morning, I had to go to work, getting up at 7 and he had a final to take at 9 in Salamanca, for which he had to leave my gaff at 6am, knowing that he would be at least 15 minutes late for his exam.

Being a polite type, he dressed and crept out with the lights off just before the crack of dawn, managing to just about make me open one eye in recognition before dropping back into a coma.

When I got up at 7:40 I was a little rattled, wondering why my alarm hadn't gone off. Turns out that I had it on vibrate for the weekend.

At that point I noticed that I had 3 missed calls from David shortly after he left the house.

Not thinking any more of it I wandered off, took a shit and brushed my teeth. When I bumbled back into my room, I noticed that David's trousers were still on my floor.

Thinking that was a little unusual, I proceeded to get myself dressed for work when I realised that one of his trainers was still under my bed.

I was scratching my head by this point but it all fell into place when I opened the front door.

I own a pair of pink trainers and one of them was on the doorstep!

So my cousin must have turned up 15 minutes late for his Spanish exam, dressed in odd shoes, one pink, one white with no trousers on. I love my family!

Unusual

The school year is coming to an end and I've not even told the management to go fuck themselves even once.

That's a first. Either I'm going soft or I rather like this place...

Yay! for the Germans!

Tribute to the Dosaboys on the Germans new site. >>>Click here<<< to see the mighty dosamobil in action, as uploaded by Sven the German!

Do not disturb

I'm on the last episode of Heroes.

Yes it's true. I'm watching a tv programme or something.

YES! It worked!

I just got sent this link to yahoo news.

It seems that my moustache annoyed them so much that Hamas have given in to my demands and made contact to try to arrange the release of Alan Johnston.

I've bought a new razor in preparation...

PS the link is safe Jools - not a beard in sight

Calling all my old schoolfriends

I just saw >>>this<<< on the news about a 26 year old jihadi, who was a bit of a loser and called Zeeshan Siddiqui.

Is this the same one we went to school with? I thought he was working in a pharmacy...

Relatives

My cousin David is over from the USA and we've been hanging out a lot
lately, going to Valencia last weekend and all over Madrid. As I'm
always working I have left it in his totally capable hands to organise
everything, from trains to hostels and I just turn up at the weekend
and go.

Usually totally efficient, I left him in charge of arranging to go to
Barcelona this weekend, but at the last minute he rings and says he
left the train booking too late, which means we can't go.

So he's asked if we want to go to Morocco instead.

We fly tomorrow at 8pm and get back at 1pm on Monday.

All hail Ryanair!

Phew we're all in the clear

Now that they've burned his body, they've decided that Bob Woolmer died of natural causes, so they can rule us all out now.

There, it's safe to leave the house again without worrying about getting arrested by the Jamaican police.

TADBS

Even though I have to agree with Foss about Scott Mills, I've had to rejoice when I heard that Danny Baker now has a daily podcast out.

The All Day Breakfast Show can be downloaded from iTunes right now and the prototype shows have had me laughing all the way down the street.

Mr Moustache tribute

I just typed in "Mr Moustache" in Google to see if the little fella had any relatives only to find that Nirvana had already written a song about him!

I've not heard it but the lyrics seem rather fitting -

Fill me in on your new vision
Wake me up with indecision
Help me trust your mighty wisdom
Yes I eat cow - I am not proud.

Show me how you question, question
Lead the way to my temptations
Take my hand and keep it clean
Yes I eat cow - I am not proud.

Yes. I eat cow and I am not proud.

Not sure how I'm gonna wangle my way out of this one but the vote count for the demise of Mr Moustache is now up to (a whopping) NINE votes, which would seem to imply that Alan Johnston is about to be released.

Half of me wants to hold to my word about shaving the little fella on 10 votes the other half of me (and my little white whisker) wants to hold back to compare the hair with the kidnapped.

AAAAAAAAARGH decisions!

Bald

I bet Alan comes back with more hair than me, even though he started bald.

Whiskers for Madeleine

I was out with Dade earlier and he pointed out that I have a fine white whisker emerging from the left cheek.

Following on from my valiant humanitarian work for Alan Johnston, I'm offering the whisker for the safe return of four-year old Madeleine, recently abducted in Portugal.

I'm bloody well hoping these people get returned or I'm gonna end up looking like a wookie.

Why do I not have a mono-tache?

It would appear on closer inspection that, even after nearly 4 months growth, Mr Moustache still hasn't managed to link up in the middle like Noel Gallaghers eyebrows.

All you hairy people out there, is this normal?

Oi Osama - Free Alan Johnston and I'll shave my tache!

I was gonna do a standard update on the various blog characters today, ya know the sort of thing - Mr Bread 5 months old and counting, still alive and kicking, totally devoid of fungus and quite tantalising, mini-Andy still in need of adventures, Sassy Catalina removing her trackbacks and disappearing from my life, that sort of thing when I realised the destiny of Mr Moustache!

I just noticed today that Mr Moustache has been growing since the day that BBC correspondent Alan Johnston got kidnapped!

As far as I'm concerned, this can only mean one thing - My tache and the fate of Alan Johnston are intimately intertwined!

So, to do my bit for world peace, I hereby offer my tache in exchange for the safe release of Alan Johnston by the Army of Islam.



^^ Free him and the tache gets it!

Contact lenses

Yesterday I went to see Pearl Jam with Juliet.

I decided, after the incident at the Scissor Sisters gig where my glasses flew over the balcony and I hung over the edge upside down by my toes to get them back, that it may be a better idea to wear contact lenses this time around so I did.

On the way back however, I was tellin the story of how my first girlfriend got run over and we were laughing so hard right contact lens popped out of my eye. I assumed that the left one had too, til I woke up this morning with a throbbing headache.

An hour after getting out of bed, the second one pops out onto my desk, folded in half and covered in dust.

I suppose that's karma.