If you're in Kuwait and you've read this can you tell me if they've banned me yet? If not I'll keep trying...
14 years ago
I fucking hate Kuwait
If you're in Kuwait and you've read this can you tell me if they've banned me yet? If not I'll keep trying...
Man. How do I get myself in these situations?
Then I had a little walk around my house and a chat with my flatmates and I realised that actually my life really IS just as bonkers as my 17 or so blogs make out.
At the moment I somehow manage to find myself living with a Norweigian, a Peruvian, a retired bloke, a really camp gay Spanish guy, an engineer, a hilarious Spanish male nurse and I just found out that the one in room 4, a quiet computer programmer type is currently working freelance on a porno site.
oooh cripes i've posted over 400 posts now
and still no sign of mould on the bread...
Bargain!
I needed some highlighter pens the other day so I went ot the shops and bought 3 of them, logically figuring that I could get some from the school later. So, of the 5 available colours I picked the 3 below, then put in a request at school for 2 highlighter pens of any colour...
And today, I get into work and the pens are in my pigeonhole. They were only the colours I didn't already have, makin the full set!
You know what we call that here at mischief towers ladies and gentlemen....
BARGAIN!
Potty
So while rummaging around for Dosaboys cards I found a terracota model of Hanuman, the uber-cool monkey god who took a whole mountain home for his master dude cos he forgot which herb he was meant to bring back, that I bought in Rajasthan from this guy. It was just sat at the bottom.
I am a twat sometimes...
Dammit why does Foss get banned and I don't?!
I have dedicated a great swathe of this blog to slagging Kuwait and the morons that inhabit it off. I regularly say how much I think that country is full of cunts and they STILL haven't banned me.
What do I have to do!?! It's not fair!!!
...and it's not only ME! mini-Andy gets in on the game too!
"Andy I dreamt of mini-Andy last night"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently though mini-Andy himself led him to the computer where he helped him to find the site.
He went on to say
"So he led me to this site and it was full of weird pictures and videos and things"
Yeah...? Sure it was a dream kid...?
Oh my it's happened again - this time with some FIT girls!!! Yay!
It seems that this one was rather raunchy too and I got down to some business before some rather hot action went down on a low-down and dirty tip with two girls!!!
PHWOAR!
That's more action than I've seen in all my life! And I wasn't even THERE!
Last chance to get a Dosaboys card!
I just gave out what I THINK is my last Dosaboys card away to someone on the bus.
These things are now rarer than mini-Andy's poo and if you want one you need to post something right here right now and I'll sort out some way to get you one probably scraped from the bottom of my scabby suitcase...
Washing up
He gave me a long talk about how some old Norweigian woman had told him always to wash his trousers on a hot cycle and that 40 degrees was for pussies or something.
Basically this old woman had told him that if you wash your cruds at 40 the piss stays in them, so with this in mind and the thought of 7 year old crusty pee contaminating everything else I chucked everything in at about 300 degrees today.
Now thankfully the undercrackers are completely free of any urine.
However, all of my cheaply printed T-shirts (yes that includes YOURS 4LeafCC...) are now blank and most of my wooly jumpers fit mini-Andy.
That'll teach me to listen to old Norweigian women...
Dosa Boys Insider: Photo CD cock-up. Writing suspended
This is in part to let people catch up but is mainly because there was a little cock-up made in Darjeeling when we gave out the CDs of all the photos that I took (yeah I took all the photos you see there - Ivan also took some but he lost his camera hence why there are no photos from him) and I don't have all the necessary photos to write and post up decent blog.
I've been on at the boys to send the CD for a while (basically I've got 2 CD3s and Nick has 2 CD2s) but neither of them has got round to it yet so I'm writing without the full set of photos and if I continue writing, you're gonna get naff photos as my supply is dwindling.
For fucks sakes lads how hard can it be to put a CD in an envelope and just send it to me or whack the lot on mediamax so I can download it.
Dosa Boys Insider: Day 6 - The Dog
Holy shit!
What are the chances of that happenin eh...
The devil
If I invaded your dreams last night I apologise. I just couldn't help myself..
"I dreamt of you last night man"
I didn't ask the details but I just laughed it off and said "so what was I like? Did I have a long one?"
But just now, mini-Lillian from China and currently living in Holland logged onto msn and started with
"Andy. I did dream about you last night!"
SHIT ME! Sounds like the adventures of dream-Andy!
Luckily the dream was rather good (I hate being in crap dreams) and she could see my face very clearly. In it, she meets someone American who is Vietnamese really and says that she wants to introduce him to someone (me).
At the point when I turn up, she realises that we both have the same face!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Scary day!
Was I in anyone elses dreams last night? I need to know...
I taught Hitler
Feel free to laugh at the teenage angst and plans for world domination...
Teenager's Thoughts by (Someone in year 10)
I can't stop feeling I'm being watched.
Innocent on the outside,
And the time goes tick tock.
The horror is back to make me cry,
As my heart was ripped, two pieces, apart.
Life is so young, yet I must die.
No feelings of regret as my love was by my side.
But now as the craziness swept over my thoughts,
I walked in the opposite direction and got lost.
The oceans and its waves bled hatred.
I have just realised that my life was wasted.
As the waves crashed over, I suffered the pain,
I guess that I must be going insane.
And as my life lay in ruins, a promise was made,
That the whole world must suffer exactly the same.
Stats
Quick stat check shows that Dosaboys is now my most popular blog with 7000 hits since it's conception last November.
This is trailed by this site on 3805 hits, then The Adventures of mini-Andy on 727 hits.
In the rear but catching up fast is my new project, Essays by Naughty Children, which is creasing me up right now.
..and they say that bloggers are obsessed with themselves...
Dosa Boys Insider: Day 5
Ivan had never made any secret of the fact that he wanted to travel and see the sights and he was quite unsettled by the fact that we were flying through India and not really seeing all that much. In part I agreed with him and it did niggle, but I was acutely aware of the fact that I had to make it back to the UK to make the flight out to Spain.
Ivan had much more time than the rest of us.
By day 5 we could see that we would easily make it to the end if nothing major went wrong but I had pushed this far with a racing slant.
Ivan hadn't driven nearly as much as he wanted and I had only driven for 100m, which I thought was a little unfair.
But the worst development by this point was the fact that Nick just wouldn't let go of the wheel.
He was taking the whole thing so seriously and acted like he was the only one who could drive whilst the rest of us sat in the back.
Ivan was now pretty moody in the back, reading books and listening to his tunes and was quite disconnected. I had resigned myself to blogging and photographic duties. Nick didn't care though. All he saw was the road and all he wanted to do was win. You'll notice that the posts at this point and up to this point tend to start with "Nick at the wheel".
Me and Ivan hadn't planned it this way, when we got it together but as we were here I thought that we may as well go for it.
The angles we took were clear now - Nick only wanted to come to drive and race, Ivan wanted to take his time and savour the country and I wanted to see what a rickshaw could do and put it through it's paces.
Unfortunately this meant that I was more behind Nick's view of the trip.
You'll see by day 8 how I came to regret this decision...
Impromptu mini-giraffe day...?
If you live in London you can buy a Travelcard, which permits you to travel on pretty much any form of transport at all. You can get buses, trains, trams, tubes and all sorts of discounts at zoos and things.
But it occured to him that most people only use the Travelcard to make simple journeys from A to B then maybe on to C and back again, cos the cost of travelling in London is so expensive that it usually makes more sense to get one than to buy a return.
So he decided to set up a new annual event, which for want of a better name he christened "Giraffe Day". The idea was to get himself a Travelcard at the start of the day and cream it for all the value that it was worth. To do this he got up at 5am and left on the first tube out of Golders Green, travelled to all four corners of the tube map and anywhere with a funny name like Theydon Bois or Grange Hill and would return on the very last train home.
The half term holidays have started and I should have been going to Andalucia, but I'm down a bit ill at the moment, so I thought I'd chill out and stay in Madrid.
With my B1 monthly Abono in my pocket though, I wouldn't have be able to forgive myself if I lay in bed and didn't get on at least ONE train tomorrow...
My bread dillemma: Month 1
As you can see the little bastard has now taken up residence in my bed and STILL hasn't developed ANY sign of visible mould.
Essays by naughty children
I've got SO many essays in from naughty children that I thought I'd start a new blog for a laugh.
As if The Adventures of mini-Andy and Dosa Boys wasn't enough I thought that I'd go for a collaborative angle with some other teachers on a new blog cunningly entitled "Essays by Naughty Children" which can obviously be found at http://essaysbynaughtychildren.blogspot.com/.
First essays go up tomorrow night, feel free to review and add commentary - there is a very strange one about ear wax and a few on various art criticism angles.
At the end of the year I'll be sending regular mischief readers (yes that means YOU Foss and YOU Tora) a big photocopied encyclopaedia of collected crap information collated by naughty children for you to read on the bog - it will be the surprise hit christmas present of 2007 mark my words!
An ad has been put on TES staffroom to look for collaborators around the world. If anyone knows any naughty children who want an essay send them to me!
New phone needed soon and the ultimate blogging tool
Thing is that I've been lookin for something that I can blog with for a while. It doesn't need to be connected to the web but it just needs to be light and capable of writing text files. I don't need word or anything snaz just a keyboard that types, preferably a light one that's about A5 size. My Dosaboys blog is months behind cos this thing, as far as I'm aware doesn't exist.
If anyone knows of this amazing, lightweight, fairly robust and cheap enough to take in a rucksack device that will replace my trusty notepad please let me know!
I need to get out more...
Have to sort that out....
create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands
Oh shit
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I was on my way to Arguelles station and saw a bit of Grafitti on the otherwise immaculate metro walls.
I couldn't believe my eyes. It's clearly not a mistake. What do I do now?
mini-Andy is ALIVE! First posts coming by the end of the day...
www.theadventuresofminiandy.com - This is not yet the final cut of the adventures we're working on the presentation of the animated adventures, but take an early look!
Not a banana?!
For example I can't honestly put that I like Indie or Rock music cos I don't. I like Soca and Calypso, Ragga and Dancehall. If you were to ask me what my hobbies are then not put down "carnival" then you're not really going to get a true reflection of what I'm like.
Jase says I'm black inside and that the old description of a Banana (Yellow on the outside, white on the inside) is no longer applicable to me, so we decided to search for a better description.
A chocolate hob nob came up first as "sort of black on top and yellow underneath" but obviously that would only work if you turned it upside down. I suggested a Crunchie Bar but again that needs to be inverted to work preoperly.
I think perhaps the closest we got was a Creme Egg which was "mostly chocolate, sickly sweet white with just a little bit of yellow in the middle" or "sort of black on the outside with a confusion of white and yellow on the inside" before things started going downhill with the suggestion of corn-fed chicken drumstick (sort of yellow on the outside, mainly white and sloppy with a core that is fundamentally black"
Still needs a bit of work this one...
The Adventures of mini-Andy to start next week!
Year 11 art group apparently "only need 10 minutes to add a lick of paint" (said at the start of a physics lesson in an attempt to get out of having to make a motor)
New artist, Danny pencils the premiere appearance of mini-Andy in "The Animated Adventures of mini-Andy!!!"
mini-Andy misses out on a trip to the European Space Agency.
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Hopefully early next week we should see the first appearances of our mini-adventurer.
For more gossip check out the gossip board and make sure you stay tuned to...
The Adventures of mini-Andy on www.theadventuresofminiandy.com
My Bread Dilemma: Day 4 - to eat or not to eat
I'm quite worried it's going to rape me in the night...
My Bread Dillema: Day 3: Still in the office
Bugger.
I hope it's gone visibly mouldy by the time I get back.
My bread dillemma: day 2
It's STILL immaculate.
There is NO visible sign of any deterioration whatsoever, no green bits or mouldy white bits. To the touch it is still soft and spongy and I'll be honest with you it's strangely compelling.
I've decided to take it out of the kitchen and put it in my room as I'm not too sure what my flatmates would make of my Frankenloaf.
If it's still not mouldy by tomorrow I'm gonna eat a bit.
Ever wanted to give an annoying kid an essay...?
Am on a bit of a blitz at the moment. Any feckin about in class results in an essay to be in at 9am the next morning. This morning I got a FANTASTIC pair of essays back about "The history of safety goggles" - to be scanned and posted right here later - in which I learn from my year 8s that
"The Inuit carved goggles from caribou antler to help prevent snowblindness. The goggles were curved to fit the user's face and had a large groove cut in the back to allow for nose. A long thing slit was cut through the goggles to allow in a small amount of light. The goggles were held to the head by a cord made of caribou sinew"
Flippin eck!
This was so much fun to read as was the next one that I didn´t even rip it in half and throw it in the bin in front of their faces like normal. Instead I had an idea.
The punishment for misbehaviour is simple. One side A4 on a topic which is already written on the top of an A4 sheet of paper. 10 words per line or you have to repeat and any argument gets you an extra side, all in for tomorrow morning at 9am.
So far I have the following titles...
The history of the atom
The story of penicillin
Architecture in Madrid
The historical significance of salt
Analysing Don Quijote
The history of rock music
and
Perspective in modern art
Any more suggestions....
I'm gonna collect them and make them into a book later. It's gonna be a treasure trove of completely pointless information...
(let's not have "the sex life/inside of a ping pong ball" please it was funny the first time I heard it 17 years ago but has lost it's edge a bit now...)
Circle a head
Clearly the interpretor was a complete spastic but man it still makes me crease...
My bread dillemma: day 1
I was told last time I was here that Bimbo bread was so crammed with e-numbers that it lasts for ages.
Being a little hyperactive, I made a mental note to avoid the stuff on my return, despite the fact I'd love to have a bimbo in my cupboard, and I went out in the first couple of days and bought a loaf of El Corte Ingles Sin Corteza Bread.
Thing is that I arrived on the 20th of January, over 2 weeks ago and the loaf of bread, half eaten is still immaculate, without a sign of any mould on it at all. In Kuwait it would have gone mouldy by the 19th.
Looking at the ingredients, it contains E-282 (Calcium propionate). A quick look on Wikipedia reveals that E-282 has been linked to irritability, restlessness, inattention, and sleep disturbance in children and is slightly toxic as a pesticide. Calcium propionate can be used as a pesticide.
The UK Food guide says that E-282 has been linked to Migraines.
It also contains E-200, Sorbic Acid, which is a natural preservative. It is also a possible skin irritant and not approved for use in Australia according to the UK food guide
So I'm left with this dilemma.
I don't like to waste food and the fact it's lasted so long means that technically it's a bargain - and I DEFINITELY don't like to waste bargains.
So what do I do?
There's nothing wrong with it. It's still as soft as the day I bought it.
It just happens to be nearly 3 weeks old.
The travelling sketchpad: part 3 - I don't do this job for the money...
So I asked him if he could do a sketch for me of anything he wanted.
And here it is.
And they wonder why people become teachers! This has given me a great idea though for The Adventures of mini-Andy. I hope he agrees to it. Watch that space...
My first attempt at video
Here's my first attempt at video, taken in Retiro Parque, Madrid. Top stuff!
Too busy to write anything decent
but take a look at my flickr site - I've just uploaded loads of pics of the tanks in Kuwait that got bombed up in the first Gulf War. Basically these got picked off by the US Air Force, who took out every tank in Iraq. These were then picked up and taken to the middle of the desert in Kuwait, dumped and left to rust.
There are aerial pictures of the tank park in books and on the web but as far as I am aware these are the only pics you'll get of the tanks up close and personal.
Also have been out and about in Madrid takin pics of stuff that interests me.
Enjoy!
