Waging war on terror

A few years back, when I was there, there was an incident in Kuwait that wasn't widely reported outside of the country, probably cos it would have made the inhabitants look like a bunch of morons.

As you may have guessed, Kuwait has very few attractions apart from getting blown to pieces by fundamentalists. I guess it's the only fun they get and most Kuwaitis are born mentalist so it's not a big stretch.

So there was this story of this woman jogger who was nearly kidnapped and bundled in a car by fundamentalists. They wanted to behead her, cos at the time that was fashionable.

But she just happened to have been quite cautious (there were a spate of kidnappings going on at the time, including Kenneth Bigley)

So when they tried to bundle her in the car she pulled out a knife and stabbed the guy in the head. Typical Kuwaiti attempt to do anything. It went wrong. Fuckwits.

But that's not to detract from the jogger. Hurray to her for fighting back against fundies! Yippee!

And that got me thinking, that the War Against Terror needs to start at this level.

So do the world a favour and stab a fundamentalist in the head today!

One simple way to make every day seem wonderful

I was chatting to TK, one of my online pals yesterday and when she asked how I was, I said

The sun is shining, I've just got paid and most importantly I'm not in Kuwait! Yes!

The thing is, that TK is not aware that I was ever in Kuwait, and she's also not aware of just how shit Kuwait is, so it was up to me to try and describe it as best as I could.

Hmmm Kuwait. Yes to imagine Kuwait, imagine a toilet in your mind.

Now fill it with shit, add a load of bigoted, racist, ignorant Arabs and a lot of dust. Not sand, grey dust that does nothing but swirl around in the wind and get in your eyes.

Now put all the ethnic minorities from the Indian subcontinent and Asia in substandard conditions and make them work like animals/slaves while underpaying them/beating them/raping them, add a nice dose of ironic homosexuality and you're starting to get an image in your head that looks pretty similar.

Oh yeah and don't forget to remove all your human rights if you're not Kuwaiti..

Welcome to Kuwait!

I'm sure I left out some bits, not eating bacon, drinking photocopy cleaner, and not being allowed to have sex with other human beings of the opposite sex (they obviously found ways around this by not involving the opposite sex, or not involving other human beings), that sort of thing. I didn't want to disturb her too much.

These days I wake up every morning and think...

Thank fuck I'm not in Kuwait.

Try it tomorrow. I guarantee you you'll be smiling all day!

Please note: those of you who ARE in Kuwait will have to imagine that you're not in Kuwait before you attempt this exercise

My condolences

Matt came online just a second ago and opened by saying that the worst thing in the world had just happened to him. Expecting the worst, nothing could have prepared me for this...

He's been sent on assignment to Kuwait.

Poor poor bastard.

On the upside, as part of his research he typed in "Shit Kuwait" into google and found my blog.

Anyone who wishes to pay their condolences to Matt, leave them in the comments and I'll pass them on

I fucking hate Kuwait

I hate Kuwait and it's shit and full of shitty shit and more shit.

If you're in Kuwait and you've read this can you tell me if they've banned me yet? If not I'll keep trying...

Dammit why does Foss get banned and I don't?!

I have just been contemplating this and I realise that there must be some mistake.

I have dedicated a great swathe of this blog to slagging Kuwait and the morons that inhabit it off. I regularly say how much I think that country is full of cunts and they STILL haven't banned me.

What do I have to do!?! It's not fair!!!

Circle a head

Circle a head
Originally uploaded by andytgeezer.

I've just been through my Kuwait photos and found this classic poster scan. I picked up an official police poster of roadsigns in Kuwait and what they mean, at the Kuwait police station, which had been translated from Kuwaiti Arabic to English.

Clearly the interpretor was a complete spastic but man it still makes me crease...