At home with the Wife

I haven't blogged about my flatmates for a while, and there's been a whole heap of change.

Out with the Dutch dudes and in with a whole new host of characters, Rich from Manchester, Claudinho is now in Einar's old room and out with Gonzo, my best flatmate yet but in between there have been two total nutcases move in.

The first one, a Dutch dude called Jesse was weird. Totally egocentric with a massively inflated sense of self-worth and a desire to be wanted, this guy only seemed to love one thing more than himself.


He would come home from work and literally WAIT outside my room until I got home, asking Gonzo and the others if they had seen me. This earned him the nickname "The Wife" from Gonzo. When I got in, he used to either bug me or sit outside my room casually talking loudly "to himself" about his various achievements of the day and waiting for some response from either me or Gonz.


Anyway, when he moved out and a new Spanish guy moved in I thought "Brilliant, a chance to practice my Spanish".

Anyway, it turns out, on talkin to this guy tonight that this is going to be even worse. This guy is CLEARLY autistic and attempts to try and dislodge him from the 1 metre personal space perimeter have thus far been fruitless. This guy barges into the room looking for a conversation, speaks and understands not a single word of English and has eyes that look as though he wants to murder me.

In Gonzo's own words from Peru...

At least with The Wife you knew he only wanted to nail you dude....

In the latest episode, Psychobride glided into my room tonight. When I turned around he was there, having not made a sound and he asked me in Spanish if I had any paper.

"Tiene papel?" he said

"Si" I replied "Pero solo con lineas (but only with lines I said pointing at the stuff) Cuanto quieres? (How much do you want?)"

"Errrrrm. Uno? Pero tiene rolo?"

"Vale" (Yes Xtina and Xtina's mum this Spanish section IS for you!)

At this point I had no idea what "rolo" meant, and assumed he wanted some sort of OTHER paper that I didn't have, plain or coloured or something snazzy, so I just said and the Spanish equivalent of "yeah whatever" to send him on his way and carried on typing.

A minute later I turned around and screamed. He was STILL THERE and staring at me!


"Quieres algo mas?" I said

"Erm no" he said and ran off.

Anyway, Me and Rich discussed this weird incident later and it seems that, there being no roll in the toilet and all, that someone is sleeping with a sore arse tonight.

Oh well...
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