Africa Rally is on

Ivan got a place and is putting together a team. I'm in. Hyde Park to Cameroon next summer.

We need a team. Anyone up for it?

The new adventures

The adventurists have outdone themselves this time.

Africa Rally sees them going from London across Africa to Cameroon from July 19th in a vehicle of less than a litre engine and the Ruta del Sol in February pits you against South America in a VW Beetle! More details to be announced soon but the beta sites are up and running already.

Places are limited and come out tomorrow (Monday). Anyone up for Africa? I'd be there if you get a place! My application is going in tomorrow and Ivan is also putting one in to go with his brother.

Summer brainwash camp

As a displaced Vietnamese, I have planned to go to the motherland next summer, so I decided to look for summer camps for Viet Kieu, or foreign-born Vietnamese this morning.

I found one report that looked really promising >>>right here.<<<

On closer inspection I couldn't help noticing the line

...the participants will engage in lectures on Vietnamese history and people, as well as the devoted life of President Ho Chi Minh.

YIKES! My gran would go mental if she knew I was going to a talk on "the devoted life of Ho Chi Minh"!!!!

Is that really necessary? I mean I want to learn about my language and culture but hasn't it occured to the people who run this thing that maybe the reason we left Vietnam in the first place is because that man! Nothing like a nice bit of brainwashing with your language lessons eh...

Mouse party

Party

I know I shouldn't laugh but...

A German convicted paedophile was given community service. >>>Guess where social services sent him...<<<

The social worker has not been fired. Yet.

...and the real reason

Alright so I rang the guy the other day and I asked why he was selling his 20D, and he says that it's cos he wants to change it for a 400D to which I replied,

"nah mate you don't want to do that. The 400D is a great entry level DSLR but you've already got an intermediate level camera. Now even though it has 2MP less, 8.1 is perfectly alright for most needs. The screen is slightly smaller, but it takes 5 frames a second in comparison to the 400D which takes only 3"

And I find it strange that he's not called me back to sell me his camera to me...

I need to grow some breasts

I've been after a digital SLR these past few weeks and scouring the internet here in Spain for either a Canon 400D or a 20D at a push.

So this week, I see a 20D for sale on facebook in Barcelona and I ring the guy right. Anyway, he says he's not sure whether he's going to sell it or not, but he has this girl interested in it. Then he never gets back to me.

I'm starting to see a pattern here.

I was bumped off my first job in 1998 and replaced by a girl with no brain and big breasts. In the last job I was in I managed to get replaced by a girl with big breasts.

And now a complete stranger sells his camera to a girl, who no doubt has big breasts!

I shall be going to Malibu for a breast transplant tomorrow to try and secure my job and so that I never miss a bargain again.

Where am I blogging today?

Alright I've been a bit slack on this blog in the past few months so I guess you must all think I've stopped blogging.

Not true!

It's all work work work, but my new blog is a joint one with another physics teacher and it's called The Secret Underground Testing Lab.

It's not very funny mind you. Sorry.

We'll be adding gags later on.

New essays soon and mini-Andy returns

Been starting a new term blitz on bad behaviour. New titles include "The History of clowns", The history of clocks", "15 uses of the word 'blind'" and "The benefits of a good nights sleep".

Watch that space!

Also, mini-Andy back in the UK soon. More adventures to come. Get your applications in UK side!

Car crash morning

Thank God I got to sleep at a decent time this morning. At about 7:08 there was this almighty crash, screeching of wheels and a boom!



So naturally I ran downstairs with my cameras and took loads of pics of the carnage. It seems that a geezer (drunk probably) crashed his minivan-thinger into an Audi, the Audi got mashed up on the side and a traffic light got involved somewhere.



Can't imagine how it looked to the gathered drunken people returning from clubs taking pictures with their phones, when suddenly this Vietnamese dude comes running out in his pyjamas with his camera around his neck! They looked pretty confused.

Rid the world of 360 Science today!

In my latest attempt to get the standard of physics taught in schools back up, I've decided on a brand new diet of 360 Science textbooks



Unfortunately I've found that not only does my shit now stink to high Heaven it takes bloody ages to come out and contains disappointingly small amounts of content when it does.

...and here I am down the pub last night...

Did my resolve hold out?



hmmm....

Somehow I managed to grow a mysterious tache for a night

The guilty bat

Hey hey it's my 700th post and I'm typing away in an internet cafe just off Callao with a pair of tights on, an umbrella fastened to my armpits and a bra on my head. It's just gone midday.

I woke up this morning-after-Halloween feeling like shit.

Cricking my neck back into place and rubbing my eyes, it took me a while to figure out that I had slept on my doormat under my jacket, and that I couldn't get in because I didn't have my keys.

On further reflection, I remembered that I had been out the night before with H to a club and got horribly drunk, dressed up as a bat, hence the umbrella under my armpits and the fact that I had no phone or wallet as I'd left everything at hers.

Then I remembered I left her in the club after getting claustrophobic and tired, and I had walked home on my own leaving her to look after herself.

So here I am, developing a good sized cold and feeling like an Premier-league arsewipe.

Hangover and guilty conscience in full effect, I do feel like I should do something drastic, so as of today, for the time it takes to post the next 100 posts I am giving up alcohol.

There. I feel better already.