Gods down the pub

I pissed a good friend off the other day with this one and you will see why. PLEASE don't sulk Pony every god gets the piss taken out of them!

So i was thinkin right, if you had a choice of any god or biblical/religious figure to take down the pub, who would you bring?

Obviously Venus springs to mind straight away but you'd sit there just wantin to take her home while seriously avoidin your drink.

So perhaps the Indian gods, cos they're always a laugh. Imagine Ganesh walkin in with his elephant head and stickin his trunk in his pint glass and sprayin it across the bar. That would be PRICELESS! And he'd no doubt give you the lowdown on what happened when his dad caught him shaggin his mum and cut his head off, that would be great fun...

Hanuman is everyone's favourite too. Anyone who turns up at the pub with a mountain full of herbs would go down a storm especially if he's a monkey.

Which Hanuman is...

Other notable Indian gods to take down the pub would be Shiva the goddess of war, who apart from bein a babe (i hope i've got the right one) has 1000 arms. She could go up and get the rounds in while everyone's sat down and she wouldn't need any help carryin em back! Wouldn't want to piss her off though.

Vishnu would turn up on a cow but i don't think he'd be a lot of fun. Mind you if you catch him at the right time he's also Buddha and so he'd have some crackin adventure stories! The jury's out on Vishnu. Think it depends very much on which incarnation you get really.

But what about Christianity?

Alright let's work our way down.

Would you bring God down the pub?

Obviously he'd already be there, unless it really IS some God-forsaken place in which case he won't. I'm not sure how much fun God would be really. I mean what does he DO exactly? He'd obviously drink any of you under the table as he's been at it for years but if you've read the book, chances are you've heard most his jokes.

Jesus would be brilliant down the pub. Just as long as you don't order the red wine, cos it makes him a bit squeamish, he'd be a bundle of laughs i reckon. The guy was a proper gangster i reckon, he was from the streets, he hung out with 12 lads, his dad was a workin class geezer and his mum was not some slapper she was a proper bird just hit the hard times but raised him well ya know.

Just picture the scene. Jesus says with a cheeky wink

"Watch this boys"

and goes to the bar

"Just a tap water and a bag of crisps mate"

And he comes back.

Next thing you know he turns the water into Rioja and the crisps feed everyone in the bar! It would be wicked!

Moses would do the old party trick of parting his pint and Herod would slaughter the first pork scratching in every bag.

Most of the Norse gods would be fun I'm sure. Thor, Odin and any of the other Marvel characters. Greek gods anyone?

But Allah.

Man he'd be crap down the pub wouldn't he! Every time you wanted to talk about girls, scoff a pork scratching or just skip praying in the direction of Mecca cos your team has just scored he'd be moaning and whingeing like a girl.

Well at least we know who's drivin us home...
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