The Kuwaiti Rapemobile

I have to say that I’ve always believed that it is better to give than to receive and despite what I have said about them, the Kuwaitis believe in pretty much the same thing, though not in quite the same way as you will see.

In Kuwait the rule of law is based on sharia - Islamic law – and therefore homosexuality is banned. This makes you think it’s safe to pick up the soap in the shower but the grim reality is that in truth the Kuwaitis are probably the gayest nation on all God’s Earth. Unfortunately the residents of Kuwait live in a shagging vacuum, where any form of sexual advances on the opposite sex are frowned upon, no matter how minor.

Kuwaiti youth flirt with one another by Bluetooth in the shopping malls turning their phones on while walking around Salmiya and get messages from each other. They dare not actually talk to a girl just in case the religious police bust their asses, and you never know when the religious police may just come out of the woodwork. It reminds me of 1984 and the Thought Police.

The sexual frustration of Kuwait residents led to some very bizarre incidents.

Advance warning to those with delicate stomachs: the following is sick shit but a true account of things that actually happened to me in Kuwait. If you are easily nauseated stop reading now, but this is all the truth.

Bizarre incident 1 – Taxi to the hospital

I had done it again. Forgotten to drink enough water in a country far hotter and drier than what I was used to and was getting the same symptoms I always get when this happens on holiday. I was absolutely exhausted and had a mouth that grated like a desiccated hedgehog.

Feverish I decided finally to take the advice of my friends and get myself off to the London hospital in Fintas, down the road from my Abu Halifa flat.

As a guy with yellow skin, I had discovered early in my stay in Kuwait that the locals were entirely unable to work out where I was from and so assumed I was from the Philippines. No amount of correction would ever put them on the right track and I just decided that it wasn’t really my place to educate the ignorant.

On the positive side though, their ignorance meant that they would assume I was a poorly paid slave of some sort and would charge me Filipino rates, which were infinitely cheaper than what they charged my white mates. I would travel to and from places in Hajji trucks, which are just pick-up trucks that the drivers seem to drive around aimlessly from a to b picking up stray poor Indians and Filipinos like me if they were going in the same direction.

I decided that Hajji was the way to travel this day and hailed one down that was heading in the direction of the hospital. I was on my own and climbed in, a little disorientated from the dehydration ravaging my frame. I tried my best to strike up conversation with the Arab in the driver’s seat.

It didn’t take too long, perhaps about halfway down the road the guy asked me if I had a wife. I had been in quite enough Hajji trucks to know where this was going. Within a few moments, the guy in the dish-dasha was saying how nice my hair was and saying that I should ring him and go out with him.

The thing is that in Kuwait, the sexual frustration felt by all the men only has one outlet. Other men.

In Kuwait, although it is illegal to be a fag it is only thought of as gay if you are taking it and not if you are giving it. Hence, no Arab wants to take a cock up their arse but most are more than happy to give it. As the Filipinos are seen as poor and need the money the Arabs pretty much just take them in and fuck them for small change, conveniently denying any homosexual activity on account that they didn’t bend over and take it. A Filipino getting in a car then is seen as a bit of a catch in some eyes.

See what I mean about it being better to give than to receive.

He didn’t give or receive anything from me. Cunt.

Bizarre incident 2 – taxi from the hospital

On the very same day, the scorching sun of Kuwait was setting somewhere over the horizon of the Arabian Gulf when I walked out of the hospital. I definitely couldn’t entertain the idea of walking home in the state I was in so I waited for a bus. But as I waited a Hajji pulled up.

In Kuwait I paid the same price for a hajji as I would for a bus (the white guys would pay the same price as a taxi for a hajji) so I thought yeah alright lets go it’s not far.

I got in and I cannot recall quite how this guy done it, but within 10 seconds of boarding the driver was asking me if I liked Indian women’s fannies.

“Indian pussies,” he said, “are so big. It’s great to fuck Indian women. I like the way that they are so juicy and big. It’s great to slide in and out of Indian women. And they are so big it’s great if you have a BIG dick.”

At this point he was getting quite turned on and I was feeling even sicker than before. Reaching down he suddenly grabbed his cock through his dishdasha and it was clear he had a boner, which he promptly started stroking. This must have been about 30 seconds after I got in the car! Perhaps I interrupted his driving and wanking session by getting in the car in the first place and I made a mental note never to get in any more cars with guys who had only one hand on the wheel.

“Have YOU got a big dick?” He suddenly said and tried to reach over for a feel. I gave him a look that crossed the language divide. Put one hand on me and lose it, I thought. He must have read my mind and backed off which is a move that probably accounts for his still being alive today. He carried on amusing himself and talking about fannies of the world that he’d sampled in brothels in Salmiya. I can only thank god that that journey was short and that he didn’t suffer from premature ejaculation.

Bizarre incident 3 – a car of Filipinos. 4 bottoms and 4 mouths! A Kuwaiti perverts dream shag wagon!

I needed to go to the Hilton Kuwait resort in Mangaf and the first Hajji to come along I got in with a bunch of Filipinos. By this time I had learnt that it was probably a good idea to make sure that there were other people around when I got in one of these things as they did seem to be driven by perverts 9 times out of 10. With the company of 3 other guys I thought I would be safe.

How wrong I was…

The guy was the most predatory faggot I have ever seen! We hadn’t even reached the roundabout outside Kuwait Magic before he started to say how much he liked my glasses (which I had bought the day before for about £200) and saying that he wanted them. Then he said how much he loved our hair and that he would love to have sex with us all.

The funniest bit came when he said “If any of you give me a kiss, I’ll give you all the ride for free”. All of the Filipinos looked around at each other and laughed at him. I decided that I could probably afford the 40p fare and gave it a miss.

This is the life they lead out there people. So watch your backs…
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