Richard and Judy; Social analysts

Unemployed days are certainly long days as many of you will well be aware, and many bums like myself will find themselves at one point or another confronted by the frankly uninspiring sight that is Richard Madeley and Judy Finnegan aka Richard and Judy on daytime TV. This in itself acts as a deterrent for many people and it is a little known fact that the reason these two Daily Mail-reading twats are still gracing our screens on a daily basis is precisely that their innate drivel drives many people to work.

This morning, watching a small slice of Matthew Wright in the morning for tabloid bite-size opinion with my (late) breakfast, I saw an outraged Wright and his panel talking about the new Russian manufactured teen girl group, Tatu, whose video apparently features a scene of the two underage girls kissing intimately.

Big fucking deal.

I was unaware of this particular bonus feature of the track, and as yet was unconvinced. They went on to talk about how the manager was a child psychologist who had made it plain to the press that he had manufactured the group to shock and sell records. Still not convinced about the song, I didn’t really fancy wasting my money on being sold something by a Russian marketing ploy.

Then something very amusing happened. He gets Richard and Judy on. Judy is looking very serious indeed about the issue, and immediately bursts into a rant that goes a little something like this…

Judy - I think it’s disgusting using underage sexual acts to sell records. At the end of the day, the manager should be ashamed of himself. He has handpicked these two girls because they are nubile, young and easily manipulated. They portray an image of underage sexuality and there is a term for getting turned on by images of underage children and this is paedophilia

Richard - Yes indeed. What he has effectively done is aimed to lure in paedophiles. In a society where we are so obsessed with paedophilia and catching child abusers how could we allow the graphic depiction of such filth onto our screens?!

Judy - It’s disgusting and will deprave our children

Richard - What the manager has done is effectively identify a gap in the market. He is trying to appeal to paedophiles. It’s the paedophile gap.

Judy - Irresponsible. This kind of filth should be banned.

Now I could pick a million holes in this, but I was so busy laughing at the idea of a paedophile gap in the market that I feel that any other gripes I have pale into insignificance before this mighty argument! A paedophile gap!!!!

I can just see the manager of Tatu in the office sitting down and saying, “Well, the market is saturated with material for racists, bigamists, the disillusioned, the unemployed, mechanics, and lawyers but I feel that one section of society is just not catered for. Ahhhh I know! Eureka!”

Yes, all you kids out there getting turned on by the sight of two fine young ladies with their tongues in each others mouths, this record is for you, you dirty paedos. The mighty Richard and Judy have spoken.

And it was after Richard and Judy adjudged me to be a paedophile on purchase of this single did I decide that, although I hate the song I may as well get a couple of copies just to piss them off. Can't wait til it gets to #1 - hide your daughters R&J cos the whole country are after your kiddies!
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