And here's one you missed earlier part 9 - Laptop Diary archive

Get over it

"But you've got to love it - It's James Bond" - Michael, LA
"No Attack of the Clones wasn't crap" - Carl, msn from England to OC
"Eminem was SO COOL in that movie. Man it's the best movie in the world ever" - Michael, LA

Guys, guys, guys - stop for a second and engage your brain and your taste. These were all pretty crap movies on their own merit really weren't they. Face it guys, Bond is a franchise, we all know what's going to happen from the moment he walks on the screen at the beginning and points his gun at us, to the point where he gets laid at the end. I HAVEN'T got to love it at all, in fact quite the opposite - they've told me the same joke with THE SAME punchline 20+ times and it just isn't funny any more. In fact, it's even less funny every time, because it becomes so stylized and predictable. Bond has to give us something that will surprise us, something that really you don't get anywhere else to keep us interested. Does he? Hell no.

Attack of the Clones was a horrendous film. I'm going past a forest on the train and typing this on my laptop and frankly the trees out there would have made a less wooden cast. Ewan McGregor, you should be ashamed of yourself, you are a veteran actor, but your plastic toy figure has been consistently more lifelike than you were in that film. The acting was horrendous, the script was more ad-hoc than a kung-fu movie (although the action scenes were less lifelike and less interesting in AoTC) and it was WAY too long. Most people leave and say how great the Yoda scene was, which it was, but I find it kinda sad that the Computer Generated sprite was the most convincing character in the film.

Eminem. Yes he is cool. But a close-up of his face in EVERY SINGLE FRAME of the movie was a little overenthusiastic and said a lot for the rest of the cast. Kim Basinger is truly in the twilight of her career and she looked and sounded completely washed up (which she was meant to but not in the way that she finally was - that was just down to bad acting). The movie went nowhere, and not particularly fast either - the plot was pretty laughable and really played on the trump card (Eminem) to generate any sort of interest from what was essentially a very flimsy script, written for Eminem and with dollar bills in mind. Of course Eminems gonna fill up picture houses everywhere. Because Eminem is SO COOL.

And what do these films (and those quotes) have in common? It's obvious. Suspension of taste and individual thinking in favour of sucking up the franchise through a straw like an invalid. Come on guys, I expect two educated boys like yourselves to be capable of objective thought, and to really be able to see when something is of true quality or when shit is being given to you in a fancy box. Think for yourselves.

But that moves me on to another film I saw recently, also involving big names and CGI supporting cast. Also a cult movie, or destined to be one.

The Two Towers was a magnificent achievement. It was a riproaring rollercoaster ride from start to finish, the acting was top-notch, there was no hamming up the emotions, the action was truly brethtaking and the script, from Tolkiens age-old Novel, shows these young rookies a thing or two about storytelling I can tell you. Sod the other three movies if you've got 10 bucks to spare (by buck I mean that in whatever currency as it's about that price wherever you go) and go and see the Two Towers. If you think it's crap then say so, but for gods sake don't just say what everyone else says or think that something is good because someone is cool or famous. True quality is something you search for, it's not just handed out on a plate.
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