Eats shoots and leaves

A while back I met a girl on the bus back from Barcelona.

We met up a couple of times and the gossipers at school were calling them "dates" cos they don't really know what I'm like

Anyway, the girl was Chinese and lived in Chengdu, where they have the most famous panda breeding and research centre in the world. Turned out that she was actually a panda breeder and worked there at the reserve and was on loan to Madrid zoo and working here in the panda section.

For ages, I've been wondering why I'm single, but me and Liang went out one night and, short of conversation, I said

"Ya know, I really think pandas are too bloody fussy."

"Oh yes?" She replied, "Why do you say this?"

"Well," I said, "I mean we humans put two of them in a cage right, one male and one female and then they just turn their nose up at each other."

"If you put me in a cage with a female, I'd probably at least TRY and have sex with her."


"I mean for f*xz sakes. If they don't even WANT to have sex with each other, if they can't be bothered to propagate their own species then they've only got themselves to blame when extinction comes. And that thing about only eating bamboo. Jesus. If I said I only wanted to eat Kellogg's cornflakes, I'm sure that the rest of the human race would just leave me to die."

Strangely, I never saw her again after that.
blog comments powered by Disqus