And this is what you SHOULDN'T do kids...

Today I had to teach my horrible year 7 class (I have one really nice class and one really horrible lot) about the dangers of everyday chemicals, and how you should never be fooled into thinking something is safe just because you've seen it before.

So what I done was I told them a gory story of caramel torture, where sugar is melted down and poured on the skin. The thing is that it takes AGES to cool down and burns the skin real nasty while it's there. Even worse than this is that you can't wash it off as it has a similar structure to glass, so if you put water on it the stuff will just glassify, and when you try to peel it off it will rip your skin off. (Try it with a piece of paper or the cat - it's great fun!)

This lesson was a bit of a rush-job so I had to get my sugar from the canteen, and it came in these little paper packets, which I poured out, discussing the properties of solids, liquids and gases as I went.

Like I said, this was my horrible class, and they wouldn't shut up, so as I waited for them to quieten down I got a bit bored and decided to put the paper in the Bunsen burner.

It started burning but, as it still contained some sugar, I couldn't blow it out so, in my infinite wisdom I flicked the bloody thing, and caramelised sugar flew out and hit me right on the neck!

...and yes It FUCKING hurt!

So, after all that shit about the dangers of everyday chemicals I'd only gone and dropped melted caramel on myself hadn't I!

What a fuckwit.

As I sat there with my neck on fire, the kids screamed and one of them helpfully pointed out

Sir your neck is on fire

to which I replied the immortal line

Yes I know. But at least now I've got your attention

At this point I realised that I couldn't put the fire out with water, as the damn thing would caramelise on my skin while the kids were screaming "Put water on it sir!".


Anyway, I decided the best way to handle the situation was to put my hand over it.

Now, with my neck on fire and my hand on fire, things weren't really getting any better.

The best bit though, was walking into the science staffroom after the lesson.

My colleague, Steady Eddy was in there, I had an ice pack on my neck and he said

You'll never believe the crap lesson I just had...
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