Extinct gags part 1

Just been lamenting the fact that we'll never hear this gag again.

Around 1996 I was working as a door to door salesman and my boss had one of those hand-held portable recording thingers that had the little tape in it.

A little curious I said,

"Barry, can I borrow your dictaphone?"

to which he replied

"Why don't you use a normal phone like everyone else. Weirdo"

*Sigh* They don't make em like they used to.

Maybe I should have been a surgeon

Another term begins and I'm taking my time settling in I can tell you.

The place is 4 times bigger than my last school and I'm having trouble finding my way around the staff room let alone the various labs I have to teach in. My timetable has about 40% chemistry in it, a subject that seems totally illogical, and I gotta say it's kinda taking me to pieces.

Anyway, that's enough complaining for now. Oh did I mention I got spanked black and blue the other day by three cute girls at the fetish joint. It's a long (and painful) story and I'm still finding it hard going sitting down.

Luckily though I can always call a doctor...

Python attack

My new hero is >>>this woman from Hong Kong<<<

While out walking her dog in Sai Kung country park, her dog got attacked by a python.

So she kicked the shit out of it! WOOHOO!

Anyway, just a quick blog to say CONGRATULATIONS to my cousin whose wedding I have just returned from in Strasbourg. Best of luck for your future and see you round dude!

D'oh! I meant Stuttgart! I need to travel more, thanks Vinny...

Back in Madrid!

So I arrived back in Madrid yesterday and Carl comes online today and says

"So I guess you saw the sheep parading through the city"

"eh?"

"Yeah apparently 1000s of sheep walked through the centre of Madrid today"

I had to ask Gonzo and my new flatmate Jesse if they'd seen any sheep and we have both (yeah all three of us) been out all day and not a single lamb.

So don't believe everything you read on the BBC.

Turbulence was hard to take on the way over, given my erm....mistreatment the other day at the club, for which I will never be able to look at a cricket bat in the same way again.

Oh and I've also been invited to dance in a carnival in Qatar, all expenses paid.

Oh so much news and so little time! I start work tomorrow at the new place.

AAAAAARGH!

Where to find me...

If you don't hear from me for a while it's cos I've been invited out to a fetish club tonight, where I am expecting that I will be tied up, whipped, chained and well I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

To say that I'm a little nervous would be understatement of the year, but heck what could possibly go wrong...

Return to Spain

I was talkin to my brother the other day and he said to me

"For fucks sakes, try not to piss everyone off when you go into a school"

Hmmmm. Does he really think I walk into a place and deliberately set out to piss people off?!

Well anyway, I've just got a new job in Madrid.

Time to start pissing people off then...

The mad skillz

Dade here's Kung Faux I was tellin you about...

A little to the left...

Beyonce Unhurt After Stray Bullet Miraculously Hits Passerby Instead

Start of term dread

Officially I'm still a bum, waiting for a job in Madrid. Unofficially I've taken up a job in a state school in South London, which is effectively a passport to hell from my point of view.

I guess the last year has made me a little lazy, and I have started to appreciate the good things in life like actually having a life outside of work. The quiet cerveza after work, the weekends trippin out to discover Spain, having friends that sort of thing.

I'm tryin to look on the bright side though. If I do stay in the UK I can get my driving license and QTS and read lots of books.

Oh fuck. Who am I kidding? I want to go to Spain.