It's been so long since I shaved I can't find any razors.

So I went round to Juliet's house, who I possibly saw for the last time, as I am leaving Spain soon, and I mentioned it.

Phil, ever helpful and sitting on the sofa, suggested we get out an epilator.

As I don't know what an epilator is I agreed.

Next thing you know, Juliet pulls this thing out of her drawer that looks like a miniature combine-harvester. Basically this thing is used by girls with more balls than me, to sort their legs and pubes out.

What it does, is it has a rotating end with these tweezers that open and close while it spins really fast. When you stick it on your legs it rips the hairs out, leaving you silky soft.

...and bleeding.

Anyway, suffice to say that I am now bleeding from the tache area, with half a tache and tears streaming down my cheeks.

I bet Alan Johnston never had it this bad.
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