India the first time round

When I came back from India the first time after the summer of 2001, I was still at university and livin with Skiv. So many things about India had left me speechless and when Skiv asked what I’d been up to over summer I could only say,

“I got headbutted by a cow”

As the term went on, the memories started to trickle back. India is such an intense experience that my mind took a while to process all the information and I kept remembering these great stories, that I would just come out with at the bar. So we’d be there dropping the pints down and something would happen that would stir up some memory and I’d say,

“Guys this reminds me of the time this summer when I was in a bar chattin with this bird right. Anyway, out the corner of my eye I see this fella standin by the window staring in. I think nothin of it til Sarah goes out for a piss. Then next thing you know she goes out for a piss. Anyway she gets back right and says to me, ‘Andy, next time you’ve got to come to the toilet with me’.”

“So anyway I think ‘wahey!’ til she says, ‘See that geezer over at the window staring at us?’. I nod and she says, ‘He’s also havin a toss’”

This was the first and not the last time that someone has tossed off while lookin in my general direction. I always seem to end up in these situations where people toss off in public with me nearby. Is that REALLY the effect I want to have on people!?! Fuckin hell…

Skiv soon took to sayin every time

“but bloody hell you didn’t tell me that one! You only told me you got headbutted by a cow!”

And this exact comment followed the stories about:

  • The guy who jumped out in front of me in a very narrow alleyway holding 2 baskets each containing a cobra

  • The one about nearly getting killed in the mountains by a donkey in Nepal on a reckless solitary walk

  • The one about nearly getting killed in the mountains of Nepal by Maoist rebels on a reckless solitary walk

  • The one about nearly getting killed by dehydration in the mountains of Nepal on a reckless solitary walk

  • The one where I went bungee jumping in a very deep canyon

  • The one where I went white-water rafting

  • The one where I stepped off a train and had to walk through a sea of dead bodies to get to the hotel

  • The one where I woke up and smelt bacon, licked my lips and went down to the river to see them burning humans

  • The one where I saw a guy who had been sitting on a ledge waiting to die...for 6 years! Ooops maybe I got here a little early…

He never really did forgive me for not giving him any details that day. This time though, I’m going to do my damndest to blog some of this, in collaboration with the other Dosa Boys and I’m gonna send Skiv the link now. But I may save one or two stories just to piss all of you off a bit.

But you only told us that….
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