Undercover bars and gay beaches

Alcohol is illegal here. So is homosexuality. Therefore they don’t happen.


Now I’m not gay or ‘owt but only yesterday I was at the house of a friend pickling my liver in dilute ethanol, when she told us all about the strange gay habits of Kuwaitis. Mentioning in passing to a local Arab how bad women had it here, he replied “You should feel more sorry for the men”

Then it was explained that, though sleazy Arab guys will sleaze up on any slightly exposed piece of female flesh that was only because they are massively sexually repressed. As a result it turns out that homosexuality is rampant on the underground circuit, only not in name and obviously nobody talks about it.

You see, as it turns out, in Kuwait you are only gay if you are TAKING it up the bum. I guess that’s what they mean when they say it is always better to give than to receive. From my apartment I can see the Gulf, and it seems that on the beach just down the road from where I live, gay men congregate regularly for that popular COCK-TAIL known as Sex on the Beach. Think I might be avoiding that one then.

Other than the one really low moment in my life, where I had been without the loving touch of a woman for more than 5 years and decided that I would like to try to be gay, gayness has never really appealed to me. I know I look like a queer end faggot some nights and many have suggested that I try a bit of brown-loving action to give some lucky man a good time with my tight arse, but I’m not gay.

And outlawing gayness has not made me want to change my mind.

It seems however that this is not always the case with prohibition, as any student of 1930s America knows. It seems that that is the case with alcohol and pork here.

You see, out here hanging out with ex-pats I’ve noticed one thing that I consider to be definitive proof that banning stuff is pointless.

Everyone has alcohol. No matter whether they drink or not at home, everyone has alcohol and it seems that most Kuwaitis homes are even better stocked for alcohol than ours. I personally don’t drink that much at home but out here, with it being impossible to get you find yourself wanting a pint in the midday sun and a bag of pigs arse. People make mental notes to smuggle in pork sausages and bacon and to fill up Platypus bags with Malibu so they don’t get seen on the customs x-ray monitors.

All those illegal pleasures which really cause us no harm become sought after underground pleasures and the government becomes an unpopular overlord for its efforts. Perhaps they should read Tao Te Ching

The more prohibitions you have,
The less virtuous people will be.
The more weapons you have,
The less secure people will be.
The more subsidies you have,
The less self-reliant people will be.

Therefore the master says:
I let go of the law,
And people become honest.
I let go of economics,
And people become prosperous.
I let go of religion,
And people become serene.
I let go of all desire for the common good,
And the good becomes as common as grass.

Kuwait is a lovely place so far as much as I may appear to mock otherwise. It’s bloody hot and I understand little of what I see and hear around me, but all the teachers have gone out of their way to be friendly and helpful so I’m happy. I will perhaps need to spend a little more time chillin with the locals, which I tried today, down at the beach. No I wasn’t down at the beach looking for gay sex at the time!

I tried speaking to these 2 random guys down there but to no avail as we both could not understand a bloody thing the other was trying to say, though what what I could figure out Abdullah and his friend were down there collecting sand to bring home to feed their chickens. They loaded up two bags of sand each onto the backs of their Mercedes 4x4s and drove off. Very strange.
blog comments powered by Disqus