I've got a bit of a gambling addiction

I've already got a 20 quid bet on with The Thould that I'm not going to be in a serious relationship by the age of 25 (like getting paid to breathe) and my latest one is with another Cheltenham weirdo.

C++, being the bloody unemployable lousy shite programmer that he is can't get any fucker to give him a job. Not bloody surprising really that bag of shit. I wouldn't let him clean my fucking bog.

Anyway, we've now got a bet on of my making.

As I don't particularly need a job right now, I've challenged C++ to find a job before me. First one to get a programming job wins. Given that I can't program I thought this sounded like a great way to mock my friends.

So I'm currently to be found online applying for jobs I am entirely unqualified for, making fake CVs with a Walter Mitty-like work history depicting a model of programming excellence. So far I have lied to 5 companies with such crap as...

"I have overseen the creation of sql-based financial websites at the highest level, supervising teams of over twenty people."

At the end of the day I've got nothing to lose and those agency fuckers have screwed me over enough times. Payback.

But on that note I realised that we, the staff should actually take more control of our recruitment. We all know that agency recruitment monkeys or whatever the fuck they want to call themselves are rarely ever right in their staff placement. We the staff need to collaborate. If we see a vacancy that any of our mates would fit, we should bloody well apply with a fake CV that we reckon would get them the job, without their knowledge.

Then they'll get a pleasant surprise when they get a job they didn't even apply for. Even if the qualifications were completely fabricated.

It's time to fuck the agencies back up the arse. They don't mind fucking us over so let's have a laugh at their expense for once.

C++ with my fake CV on the loose you don't stand a cats chance in hell mate!
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