If I'm not careful I'll turn into a Nazi

Yo Bitches

I've had the most inverted racial experience today that has shocked me to my very core. I think I might be a fledgeling nazi.

I've just gotten back from Vegas to Little Saigon, the difference between the two places is similar to returning to actual Saigon from America. So the first thing we done was go straight to get Pho (Suzie you would LOVE this place! The pho here is wicked) and while there I saw this group of white americans. There was probably about 10 of em. I had to do a double take I swear - it was like I'd never seen white people before and I ended up staring at them like they were some sort of circus act. I thought they looked really bizarre (you all know I think that yellow is superior anyway) and I was tempted to shout "Go home you pink scum!" but was held back by the fact that I was with my family, and my nan doesn't run as fast as me.

Vegas is a funny old place. Of course it was as good as I had dreamed, with Rollercoasters on top of skyscrapers filled with gamblers, drunkards and broken dreams as expected. As well as the added bonus of legal prostitution it also had one trump card that, even in my wildest dreams I could not have imagined...they had a trained chicken that plays punters at noughts and crosses.

Now over here they call it tic-tac-toe but, as Steven Jarvis said, that would involve one player having T and the other player having erm... T so I'll keep callin it noughts and crosses if that's ok with you. If you ever beat the chicken at New York New York you win $10,000. Of course all draws go to the chicken. They have only ever given away $20,000. And to think that Jay spent much of the first year designing a noughts and crosses strategy when he coulda just got Ernie the free range fowl to hit some buttons. It doesn't even take batteries if you'll excuse the pun.

Tarik you've got to get your butt together and get out here mate. I stayed at the MGM Grand in a room with 2 double beds which only costs $70 a night. Bargain. And whores only cost $75. To anyone else this is not some sort of gay proposition I promise! no really it isn't. Ah fuck you then believe what you want.

The "I love your accent" count has risen to something like 8 and I've found out from the front page of the papers that the official stats (as opposed to the Skiv-style made up complete bullshit stats from last time) out this week show that 64.5% of Americans are obese or overweight. Now apparently obese is being 30lbs over your recommended and overweight is 10lbs over. Answers on a postcard for the punchline to this gag...(My house will know what I'm talkin about, hell you probably all do, but with Jay coming to the states in a couple of weeks I'd better lay off his girlfriend)

Matt, I saw the wonderfully named Zzyzx Road on the way back to California from Vegas on Interstate 15 and when I pointed it out and told the story of your photo and subsequent football (soccer) team ventures to my uncle he told me a story of his own. Some years back he was driving along with some cousins on Interstate 15 to vegas and right there on the junction with Zzyzx Road his cousin saw a ghost! It seems no-one leaves Zzyzx without a story! By the way can you remind me where Forrest stops running please as I'm really keen to get a picture of it myself actually.

The idea then for the following months is simple enough really. I'm meeting a complete stranger that I met on the internet and we are going to Mexico and the national parks. While in Mexico, ShiteBags, I promise to check out the erm...girls of your preference (purely for research for your benefit you understand you chuckler) and report back you filthy munter. If I do have to send you a catalogue or something I'll send it in the post with no return address as opposed to by e-mail as I really could do without being arrested this year if you catch my drift.

After that I'm going to Canada then Boston then, after Christmas I'll come back for drinkypoos with all my bestest bitches and hos in the United Kingdom. Book me early, cos by then I'll be famous.

Take care of yourselves and don't forget to always wear a condom. Which may make it difficult to piss.

Love from California


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