I woke up this morning glowing from having worked on the costume that won "best young male" at the gala yesterday then I pick up the paper and there's this article about Captain Dan, the Demon Dwarf who's superglued his cock to a vacuum cleaner "after misreading instructions"!
'It was the most embarrassing moment of my life,' he explained. 'When I got wheeled into a packed A&E on a wheelchair with a Hoover attached to my willie, I just wished the ground could swallow me up.'
Today I come home to microwave curry and then I'm off to finish off work on a fibreglass dog in preparation for next weekend.
Perfect.
