OK I thought it was pretty sad too but as it's turned out, this last week has been brilliant, and I was pleasantly surprised when my ad on gumtree got a load of replies from girls around my age, one of them a ballet dancer! A flippin ballet dancer! Can you believe that!?
Anyway, last weekend I decided to go a step further than just meetin friends to go to the theatre with after seein an ad in the Time Out for something called a Cuddle Party. According to the blurb...
"Cuddle Party is a fun, sociable workshop where you can fill up on your RDA of nurturing, non-sexual, affectionate touch in a safe and structured environment. A place for cuddles and snuggles, for practising communication and boundary setting skills, for back rubs, for naps, for meeting nice folks, for just being .. "
Non-Sexual!? Sign me up!!
Definitely not one for sex or for that matter even touching people, I thought this seemed like a great idea. As you may recall from my earlier post for Lapdance Island, girls scare the living shit out of me, so the idea of getting in a room and having boys (and girls) touching me should have scared bejesus out of me shouldn't it? Well yeah actually it did. So I signed up for it. I guess it's rollercoaster mentality...
I turned up a tad bit early and, not wanting to look desperate I found the place, quickly scoped out the competition and walked past, ya know, minding my own business.
Reconnaisance spotted another character, of no readily discernible sex waiting outside. Clearly not afraid to show how much it needed care and attention I decided to walk past and actually whistled to disguise the fact that I was meant to be in there. No-one was fooled by my sly gesture.
With 20 minutes to go before the doors opened, I figured it best to read the letter sent and found that the party had a dress code. Being the all-conquering dancing god that I am, I rarely ever go to club with dress codes - their loss I think if they don't let me in, cos I'll obviously be the best dancer in the place - but the dress code here was a little diffferent from the standard issue shirt and shoes, pretentious wank usually prescribed.
"Pyjamas or loose tracksuit bottoms and a cosy T-shirt" - bugger. I was in jeans and a T-shirt that looked far too cool for purpose.
For the first time ever I found myself in need of emergency pyjamas. With the clock ticking I legged it down the street to the local charity shop and rummaged through the racks. Nothing. All I could find was a pair of Adidas bottoms and a cool cancer research T-shirt. Now, lookin part-chav and part crusading volunteer I headed back.
no-readily-discernible had disappeared inside. I headed in.
Strangely enough for a place with a pyjama dress code there was nowhere to change and I found myself in a small room, stacked to the ceiling with education books (I'm a teacher - of course i'd notice "How Children Fail" by John Holt"). All the girls were takin it in turn to go into the girls toilets and the guys were stood shyly lookin across the room with the books in, when I decided to say "well shucks let's start it off with a trouser-changing party. Tell ya what I'll go first." Next thing ya know everyone was in their boxers. Damn what a hero! *shudder*
The start of the party was a long and quite dull, but necessary talk where the rules were outlined. Ya know the sort of thing. No shaggin, keep yer knob in (even though there was this uncomfortable chat about ya know, what happens if the soldier stands to attention that sort of thing and apparently later on one of the girls noticed someone pitching a tent), practising saying no, and asking for what you wanted. I gotta say it worked out really well actually and all the rules did seem to serve their purpose when the action got under way, but it seemed pretty dull at first.
The talk was broken up by this hilarious Portugese bird who kept buttin in to say "look shut up man! When are we going to start hugging each other!" and the classic quote "You know I heard about this and I didn't know what it was. Of course I know what a party is but a "cuddle party"?So I got my dictionary out..." That cracked me up! I can see it now...
When the action got under way I'll admit I was scared. I held back for about 20 minutes and just let everyone else cuddle up first and my intrinsic fear of women kicked in in a really bad way. All I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and sleep til it was all over. It was really stressful.
But a cudddle party is a no pressure environment. If you want to curl up and nap then that's fine. So I did. I fell asleep. On the carpet with everyone cuddling around me. Fine.
After a brief nap, I woke up to find everyone STILL cuddling. Jesus. Don't these people ever get tired of touching each other! Still a little terrified I made to move when I got intercepted by no-readily-discernible. "Can I have a hug?" it said. "What the hell" I thought. My arms went round and that was it. I had started my cuddle party experience by huggin a person whose sex I was not quite sure of.
Job done, I loped off to a corner and someone called from across the room. "Mind if I jump on you in a schoolyard bundle stylee?" Well now THAT was more like it!
No pissin about with affection and neediness. Just jump on me big boy! Of course I was up for that and next thing ya know I was under a big pile of cuddly people in the sort of bundle I'd never before experienced. One in which people weren't tryin to splatter your guts across the pavement, but were actually cuddling each other at the same time. Weird. But kinda nice in it's own way. I could feel myself gettin into this....
With the seal broken on contact I had no excuse and I couldn't really hold back any longer. Any bit of person I could touch, I did touch and it was great! Still a little nervous I felt my confidence grow with every hug I got from a random stranger. By the end of the 3 hours, I think I had cuddled everyone there, old and young, fatty and skinny and learnt at least 3 new ways to hug. I had rubbed noses with a really attractive masseuse and cuddled a dead attractive foreigner, who I would never have even had the guts to talk to in the street.
So was it a success? Would I do it again? Yes and maybe. Cos everyone's so up for cuddling it does exactly what it says on the tin. As a workshop for affection and human contact it works really well. Completely innocent human contact feels great and I felt high as a cloud after the event, as did a lot of the others. I think that part of that was from getting over the fear of human contact though. I guess part of it was feeling good that I'd actually got through it at all. Rollercoaster mentality.
So I doubt that I'd get the same high again next time.
One of the aims of the party is to spread a bit of love and empower party-goers to ask for what they want and not be afraid out there in the wide world. If you want a cuddle, just ask. I feel after Sunday that actually I am rather empowered, probably enough to be askin some of you readers out there for a hug next time we meet.
In my mind that means that to go back would indicate one of two things. Either you still need to build up your confidence before going out and gettin affection from the world, or you just want to touch strangers again for two hours. Nothin wrong with either of those but I think I've had my fill for now and I'm quite happy to go back to being good old me.
So keep yer distance. Only jokin....
