I thought, seeing as I'm officially an unemployed lazy layabout now, that I should indulge in some of those classic layabout activities, which endear us to the working populace with such fondness.
I've already been to the library and wasted many hours there poring over out of date books , I've been to the jobcentre, I've wandered aimlessly round the streets in a tracksuit and hung around pointlessly in shopping centres, so I figured it was time that I tucked into the other favourite pastime of the poor and useless - I decided to drain the NHS.
So I slipped out of bed (at 10am) and slipped on my DKNY trainers and D&G specs and joined the rest of the poor at the local health centre. When I finally made it past the ranks of the filthy unwashed, making sure to avoid any unsavoury single mothers, I was given two appointments, firstly to register my status as a parasite, then to come back later to see a nurse. They also handed me a small perspex tube to fill at my leisure and return.
Only recently I was turned down for clinical trials, not once but twice. Apparently I'm too slim (and dashingly handsome) to be a guinea pig. You know you're unemployable when even GlaxoWellcome turns you away.
At the rate I'm going filling sample tubes may well become a profession, so I thought it was probably fair to get started today, so I took the bottle home and merrily filled it with piss, giggling like a schoolchild all the way, and brought it back with all my completed forms to present it to the receptionist with a smile and a "Happy Birthday!"
Unfortunately for me, the piss sample wasn't actually to be in today, but at my appointment next week, and the receptionist was less than impressed by piss-wielding antics, so I was left carrying my urine sample back home. If anyone wants it just drop me a line and take the piss out of me. Crackin.
Personals
Magic - Sunday sounds fine. Prepare to get the whupping of your life. I can even afford to buy drinks for a change. Leave your wallet at home, this time all drinks are on me
Cez - And there was me thinkin you had contracted some sort of disgusting venereal disease in the course of your filthy work. Flu my arse.
Aussiebackpackingvenerealdiseasehost - Use your imagination
LPC, LLB - Welcome to my head. A busy lady like yerself you'll want to get straight down to business, so go straight down til you see..."So I'm a sell out bitch". Cheers for the qualifications
