It's been some time since I wrote anything in the classic Mischief Style, of self-centred Event and Personals, as patented by myself in California, choosing instead a more directly insulting style, to suit my mood given that most of you bitches are now so heavily bound up in your financial institutions that you yourselves have become my easy target.
Whereas the aim was once simply to piss everyone off by casually mentioning how little responsibility I had, and how chilled out and relaxed I was or how great my life was in comparison to all of yours due to my weird and wonderful encounters, Mischief Returns has lost some of that due to my life being clouded by neccessity all of a sudden.
So I thought, for a refreshing change to return to that classic style of writing and lay off you losers today, because you've obviously suffered enough shafting by your bosses at work, and focus instead on the only thing that Mishief really cares about...Me!
Take it away Maestro....
I finally rolled out of bed at 10am and slipped into the tub for a 45 minute hot soak, before deciding, over a breakfast of hot bagels and hot hot cross buns (yes HOT hot x buns - that's twice as hot as your buns mate) to relinquish all responsibility this year and go and sign on. I thought to myself - "Wait up, what the fuck am I doing?! I'm not gonna work for a financial institution! Fuck them I'd rather stick my finger up my arse and get the dole" and so it happened. I'm now an official waster.
With all the time in the world in my hands, i took a leisurely stroll to Bexleyheath Jobcentre, where I was presented with 15 pages of paper which it seems is my destiny to fill in. With my usual zest and enthusiasm I tucked into the vacancies and found, to my pleasant surprise, that they actually had a load of jobs teaching english in China on their database. I could barely believe my eyes! I shoulda joined the ranks of unemployed before. So I've applied for all of those anyway.
The rest of the day was spent sittin in the park readin comics and eating hot cakes from the bakery. It's a hard life.
Personals
Shaolinboy - Losing your virginity to a £2 whore is surely redefining the idea of cheap sex isn't it? I mean you have to get worried when your condom costs more than your woman. You did use a condom didn't you? Oh please tell me you did. Oh god...
Lightning - How was Roma then buddy? No foreign birds for you. Oh hang on...
Cez - where the fuck were you that weekend!?! You've disappeared off the face of the planet too. Are you pimping your wares? I hear Shaolinboy is keeping some cheap whore busy. I hope you are makin him wear a rubber.
K from the USA - When Shaolinboy gets to yours make sure he has a shower before you let him kip on your couch cuz.
C++ - Cheers for the superdole tip. You have made me into the man I am today. A loser. Although saying that it does mean that I don't really have to do a lot of work, and I can pursue anything the hell that I want for 6 months. Watch this space cos some of you know what's comin...
Lou - Is there nothin you can do to stop her smokin? Throw a bucket of water over here or somethin. It disturbs me
SuperShelbs - thanks for the pic. It's the best thing I've ever recieved and it's on my wall. My shoulders will forever be yours.
Magic - A E I O U? Yeah I probably do actually. Well my bowels are fine, thanks for asking.
