I've just had another shocker - If I don't prove that I can teach in the first 2 weeks of next term, they have told me that I'm either gonna be out or I'm gonna have to come back next year to take part of the course again. As you may have noticed from the countdown of teaching days, the latter option sounds like being sent to hell for eternity and so both options pretty much strike me as being the end of my course.
Problem is that I've failed pretty much everything consistently since the start of this course and improvements have been slow and very painful in coming. If it does turn out that I'm called back for another term, or if I fail completely in my attempt to teach next term, I will have to hold up my hands and say that I bit off more than I could chew, that I cannot teach. Of course it's gonna hurt my pride but goddamn it there's no point in pretending when it's clear to all that I'm not competent.
There is still the tiniest bit of hope of passing this course, and I'm losing my mind trying but glimmers of hope are like shadows on water.
