Does the world really need more accountants? More faceless middle managers, assistants and auditors? Of course we need to have some of those around to keep the world running smoothly, but at the expense of innovation and leadership every time.
There is a difference you see between Management and Leadership. Where the former strives to implement systems from the top to keep the machine running smoothly and constantly, the latter strives to push forward the machines and systems themselves, always aiming to change the very fabric of the system they are working with.
But that leaves me in a quandry. As usual I refer again to the goddamn hard profession I'm in. Central to my position is the idea that within that classroom and within the school I am a leader. My task is to guide these pupils through their development, intellectually, morally spiritually. It's a lot to ask. No 2 days are ever the same, and I don't expect them to be, always having to make snap decisions and having to work out later if I had done the right thing.
As the leader of the class, all eyes are on me to get it right, and sometimes I do but often I don't. As a leader everyone knows when you've got it wrong.
So, just like every day, today after coming back from Family Lebanese Restaurant (What's the URL Matt and Jess?) the great Lebanese Restaurant on Harrow Road, I found myself thinking ahead about my options when all this was over.
While my mind and ideology points it's finger in the direction of teaching and tells me to stay on the road I'm on, the narcolepsy-inducing exhaustion of every cell in my body was definitely telling me to abandon my naive ideals and become an accountant.
The thought repulses me, the idea of adding someone elses hard work up, but I found the thought strangely attractive when the other choice is to go in and work 60 hour weeks in poor conditions and have no life at school. I wracked my brains for a solution, I've even thought of joining the army for fucks sakes! And you know things are getting bad when you'd rather get shot than go back into work.
I have never been accused of being a negative person but in the case of teaching I seem to see a lot more negatives than positives every time I look at it. Hell there are some positives, like the odd good class or a great student who you can see a future in. But when you teach 180 different kids a day it gets more an more difficult to see those little specks of colour beyond the uniform.
Just over 50 days of teaching left to go then I think I may be an accountant or something. It's a long long road.
