Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
When I reported in my travels the bizarre phenomenon of the self-flushing urinal complete with cock-gazing perverted midget, little did I realize that I had glimpsed the future of terror in the form of a strange perverted voyeurism that was soon to be the scourge of us all.
Passing away the idle hours of my lunch break in St. James' Park today watching the ducks float by I built up a good head of piss. Before I knew it I was needin to go and, given that th esun was out, I decided against going back to my office toilet and opted to go and find a nice secluded place in St James' Park to relieve my aching bladder.
Rushin about blindly trying to find a convenient tree to hide my naked weiner I stumbled across a building that lookked uncannily like a toilet, complete with every possible disguise right down to the little men and women signs on the front.
Fooled, I took the bait and walked in, loosening up my urinary sphincter muscle in anticipation as I stepped over the the threshold.
It was too late when I realised the truth, that I had actually innocently walked into a gay midget voyeaur hellhole. Attached to each urinal at cock height were the dreaded midget windows and I was powerless to stop the stream.
I thought through my options, which were
1) being the masturbation fantasy of a depraved dwarf
or
2) pissing myself and going back to the office smelling like a tramp.
I bit the bullet and, cursing my tiny bladder, I whipped out my chipolata and done what had to be done, gurning and frowning into the camera to put the little bastard off his stroke.
and as a result I pissed all over my shoes.
