I have to confess to one perpetration of straight-faced lying that I feel compelled to perpetrate all the time, which will perhaps undermine your trust in your favourite narrator of life. It has been playing on my mind a little recently, what with my babies, the Missiles at Warwick series professing my point of view on the subject of integrity and I felt I could keep it secret no longer. I have lied to some of you.
I will defend my actions only by saying that it was for the greater good, undermining my own integrity in respect of your feelings but I now realise that what I've done is wrong and I am writing to atone for my mistakes.
What has been bothering me is thus....
I live in a council estate. I have been mugged 5 times or more in my life, I grew up in a rough part of town and we were always poor. I've got my finger on the pulse of what happens from the ground up because I grew up around middle classes as well as working classes. I have worked all my life for as long as I can remember.
All of this is true.
But nowadays, thanks to Warwick, I hang out with a load of middle class, well-bred boys and girls, all wrapped tightly in cotton wool all their lives. Don't get me wrong I don't have anything at all against any strata of society and my experience of the world has made me the supremely adaptable character I am today, fitting seamlessly into any sphere of society. I hang out with middle classes, working classes and the upper echelons of society simply and easily because they are all human and I have no predjudices against anyone because, as I said before, the full colours of life cannot be seen if you view life through a filter.
My life is all about the full human experience, and I will turn down nothing that allows me to experience every aspect of life.
What bothers me at the moment is this. I've had to lie to my middle class friends.
Some of them have turned round and said with conviction that they think they are still grounded and know what real life is about. And I've just agreed with them so as not to damage their ego.
That's my confession. I've lied to protect you from the real world. You really do think the world is a fine and fluffy place. you know who you are.
Well I'm sorry to have damaged my integrity, but I realised recently that the only way I get things done properly is the no-nonsense straight-talking approach. It doesn't work for everyone it's just that that is my favoured method of approach and it works for me.
So in future, if anyone does talk bare shit about themself being street and I know that they aint I will just tell em straight out. Sorry in advance if you get offended by my wholesale trashing of what you believe, but really life can be fuckin grimy and in a great many of your cases you haven't got a fuckin clue what you're talkin about.
I acknowledge, from my vantage point in a council flat in Thamesmead, that I am not the worst off person in the world and I will not confess to being street, but I can relate. My cousin Pete is street in my opinion, and pretty much the rest of you, well... aint. Sorry to deal that shocking blow to you all. I just had to clear my conscience.
Personals
Slit - You are not street. Bear in mind though bro, that that does not mean you aint cool, cos you don't have to be street to be cool and you are definitely cool
Cez - Cheers for that chat last night bitch. I will post a link to my topless picture online on the photos section of my website
Chuv - Human dartboard?! I will use you as my official jump tester for my new company "Anvil Parachutes" bitch!
Sexually-frustrated P - Remember that they are also good for carrying a litre of water, but you may want to rinse them a coupla times first
Slutty - Battery huh. And I'm the one gettin laughed at for a minor technical fault! Hypocrisy rules supreme. Also, if you do get through this, go to Mischief USA
Ants - I was shite on saturday. I can't play this saturday cos I have stuff on, bit sign me up and I promise I'll get fit
